Your relationship with your mother is one of the very first and longest relationships that you have, so it can grow complicated over time. As you get older, things that once seemed frustrating can become infuriating and your patience level for your mom can dip. All the while, it’s possible that you feel guilt for not having a better relationship with your mom. This is because popular wisdom says that moms and daughters are supposed to be close. This is not always the case, and it can be hard to comprehend the feelings that come with a bad relationship with your mom.
The thing is that not all moms are created equal. Some develop the ability to love and support their daughters while giving them support. But, other moms struggle to find the sweet spot of motherhood. This may come out with her being controlling, critical, or downright mean at times. We also have to factor in how her own childhood may have effected her ideas about motherhood.
You’re not stuck, you can renegotiate your relationship
If you have a mom who presents a challenge for you, you may feel stuck at times, but you are not. The relationship that you have with your mom can be renegotiated many times in your life. When this occurs, you can find new ways to relate to or perceive your mom. When you renegotiate your relationship, you get to take control and decide what you really want, not what you feel like you “should” do. You may even find a new appreciation for your mom.
Here are Secrets to a Better Relationship with your Mom:
Manage your expectations
If you expect your mom to be someone who she is not, you will continually be disappointed. Take her at face value and allow her to show up as she is. We only have power over how we personally show up, so be intentional about your own energy and give her space to be herself.
Not every relationship needs to be cut off. Sometimes, we just have to find either physical or emotional distance. You can determine what is right for you by considering how the distance you choose makes you feel. Does it make you feel content and in control? The distance may be the best secret to your healthy relationship with your mom.
Remember that you don’t need to please your mom
When you realize that you aren’t responsible for your mom’s happiness, you can let go of the need to please her and actually focus on pleasing yourself. This doesn’t mean that you should stop taking her feelings into consideration, but you don’t need to put yourself on the backburner in order to make her happy.
Finding your way to a close relationship with your mom may be daunting. It can take time, and it sometimes may require some effort on your part. Let go of all that guilt for not being the good daughter you think you should be. Instead, focus on building a healthy and honest relationship with your mother. And don’t be afraid to make the first move! I’m sure your mom is just as interested in this healthy relationship as you are.
So, if you want a closer relationship with your mom, try using our three secrets that may help guide you on the way.
Are you ready to get some extra support? Reach out!